So much has taken place since an innocent "whine" by myself to my wonderful and sweet husband. Please, this is not meant as a boast, but as encouragement to my family, and other moms who need Rest. Rest is not a luxury, Jesus rested daily, and others as the Bible tells. Enter the word Rest in Bible Gateway and see all the entries that come up. The Lord speaks of how we need to Rest, and to be with Him. I had mentioned to Dom a week and a half ago how I wish I could get away for a few days to regroup and refresh, to finish reading a book and re-evaluate curriculum and scheduling for next term's homeschooling...knowing that this was simply not a possibility..but I like to dream. A few days later Dominic surprised me with a three day "retreat" at the Arrowhead Inn in north Durham. He told me it is reserved for ths week and that it is only for ME, that he is taking some days off to stay home with the children while I get away. We actually stayed here 9 years ago when we were first looking to move to the area. I remember asking Dom last week how is this possible, rhetorically. He had a response, which was "with God all things are possible." This Inn is even more beautiful than I remember. And I am in my suite now as I type this, feeling God impressing on me to share just how He has been working in my life.
This past Monday, 12/6, I started my new Bible study with my friend S, who lives in another state. We met through the adoption process with Reece's Rainbow, and we are Skyping two times a month to share in a study together. This is our second study. The name of the study is "Holiness, The Heart God Purifies" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss (http://www.reviveourhearts.com/). There is a prayer in the beginning that I prayed for yself and for S,: "Oh God, show me more of your Holiness, show me more of my sinfulness, help me to hate sin and to love righteousness as You do. Grant me a deeper conviction of sin and a more thorough spirit of repentance. And make me holy as You are holy. I prayed this several times before our first Skype this past Monday night.
...more to follow...off to dinner
...back from dinner....
continued from above -
after praying the prayer above, came a big OUCH! God showed me, and is still showing me the sinfulness in my life - specifically the many idols in my life: PLANNING, food, computer, time, my schedule/curriculum, activities, desire for friendships. I have let all of these things, and the thinking and fretting of all of them, start to master me. I am soooo thankful to S for gently telling me that God may seak to one person about giving up something, but that same something is OK for someone else because it has not become an idol to him/her. (She used the example of Charles Stanley's hobby of photograhpy.)
I had also heard from my friend P that day, wanting to share some things for me to ponder and pray about during these few days.... to spend one hour a week with each child; that in doing that you will be building trust with your child which will encourage your child to open up more, and the behaviors that we want so desperately to go away will begin to. Many times when we become anxious about our childrens' behaviors, we begin to shut down and emotionally distance ourselves from them, when just the opposite is what we need to be doing.
Then on Tuesday night, 12/7, we had our ladies Christmas Tea with my homeschool group. The guest speaker spoke on 1 Kings 17, 18 & 19. Elijah is fleeing for his life and comes to the desert where he sits down under a broom tree and says, "I have had enough, Lord", and lays down under the tree and falls asleep. The Lord provides rest for him here, before his next long journey, and then provides a friend / companion - Elisha. The speaker shared the importance of Rest, as refreshing, for a homeschooling mom. WOW, I thought... here I am about to start my retreat the next day, what great encouragement. On the way home I unloaded on my friend D about many things, in speaking about the kids. She pointed out that, for example, Dominic (my son) is not going to learn from another 8 year old the things we want to teach him. She also pointed out that I should look at myself and my own insecurities as a way to help Dominic; he needs lots of praise and building up. I am so thankful for her speaking to me so openly.
Arriving at the Arrowhead Inn, Gloria, the owner, a Christian, told me "God will speak to you here, this is a Christian home." Last night I read 1 Kings 17, 18 & 19. I also read a devotional titled "I Think I Can" with scripture reference of Exodus 4:10-12, where God calls Moses to be the deliverer of his people, and Moses doubts he can do it. The author of this devotional comments - He doesn't call us to do something and then leave us floundering. He is there to guide and direct us if we only ask.
So that is what I am doing - asking. I spent time last night praying and preparing for today - Lord, help me, show me; show me what to use and what to throw away or put aside. All these books and resources are wonderful, but it can also be so overwhelming. Lord, show me. Deliver me from my idols. I confess these idols to you Lord, I'm so sorry I put them before You. Please forgive me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
Now, to today, 12/9. I wrote the following in my journal earlier today: God's design in this whole retreat is sooo amazingly evident. I have me the most awesome, Godly couple, D and W. I am so encouraged by them. They are a beautiful couple, inside and out, so youthful in spirit and looks. They have two sons in their 30's. W (the wife) has Jesus radiating through her - her smile is warm and inviting. And her husband D has such a gentle soul. Both of them have calm, quiet, unhurried spirits. (And tonite after dinner I was reading my study, and the chapter opened with the following, "The serene beauty of a holy life is the most powerful influence in the world next to the power of God.") You can see how much D loves his wife, and she him. I met them last night - they were having refreshments before heading out to the Duke basketball game - they both had on their Duke blue sweatshirts - they looked adorable. We also shared breakfast together - I could have talked to them all day. For the last 8 years W has been a MOPS mentor. How perfect she is for that role. They also teach and facilitate "Love and Respect" (http://www.loveandrespect.com/) at their church. D shared that he became a Believer before his wife. We talked also about their recent trip to the Holy Land. W commented on how surprised she was at how close everything was - they were standing at the Mt of Olives and it was so close to the wall of the city - 100-200 yards, and in between was the Garden of Gethsemane, where Jesus would retreat to pray. I shared with them that during my quiet time this morning I was thinking that here I am in north Durham, only 40 minutes from my house, spending time with the Lord and refreshing without going very far. You don't need to go far and have elaborate trips to "retreat"...God is with us WHEREVER we go.
Also, this morning, I read Psalm 31 to meditate on and start my morning. - Wow! Verse 4 reads, "Free me from the trap that is set for me..." I immediately wrote down next to the word trap - idols. Then in Verse 6 it reads, "I hate those that cling to worthless idols..." I laughed out loud and praised God that I hear Him loud and clear. I then wroted down "my enemies are my idols." Oh, there's more, in Verse 8 it reads, "You have NOT handed me over to the enemy, but have set my feet in a spacious place." This spacious place literally being at Arrowhead Inn - a place where He is. Then Verse 15, "My times are in your hands." I underlined the word "times." Yes, Lord, my TIME is a gift from you, and how to use it, not my own! Thank you, Lord Jesus! Verse 15 continued, "...deliver me from my enemies." Verse 16, "Let you face shine on your servant."
That's all for Part I. I must retire. Last night I had lights out at 9pm, and woke up at 7:30 this morning. I've taken two bubble baths since I've been here, and Gloria the owner commented tonite at dinner, "You look completely different."
...more in Part II....
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